i wish i could have a nervous breakdown or fall in love or something. i just want to feel something. something strong. i want to feel something that will make me just cry until i physically can't continue to. i want to feel something that will make me hit a wall until my hands start to bleed. i just want to feel something. i feel like there is something stuck inside me, like something floating around in there on top of something else and if i can just get that thing on top out then i can can feel what's underneath and i will be able to function. i just want to feel. i just want to feel normal. is that really too much to ask?

i feel, and i'm talking physical here, like i'm not breathing all the way in, you know? it's just weird. like i'm not getting enough air in my lungs. i wonder f that's a physical thing or mental.

my cousin, who is studying social work (or something like that which requires psych stuff), says i have psychological problems, which i don't doubt but whatever it is she thinks about me is probably wrong coz she really doesn't know or understand a thing about me or who i am. but i still think i'm pretty much brain fucked (cool phrase huh? i think i just made it up)

i really seriously feel like crying right now.

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